I've written and deleted this blog entry more than a couple times today. I'm not sure what it is that I want to write. There is much on my mind and I'm not sure how to process it all.

I've been thinking back over events in my life that have jolted me/affected me way deep down in my core....

....my dad had a major heart attack (well, 2 actually)
....Reid's dad dying
....watching a young mom die early and her 3 young sons grow up without her
....going to Mexico
....more death
....struggles - health, marriage
....even recent events surrounding our friends' family getting out of Lebanon

and so many more things that are just escaping me at the moment.

I struggle with so many things - I have personality traits, character flaws, weaknesses - and at times they consume me. But when a life affecting event occurs. Well, things have a way of falling into place. Priorities shift and the fog lifts. Somehow my being weak in a certain area doesn't matter if my dad is in the hospital with a heart attack. Watching people live in absolute poverty and struggle to feed their families makes me realize that it isn't such a big deal if I lack ....fill in the blank.

And you realize what is important. Suddenly you do whatever it takes to make sure relationships are healthy. That family comes first. And not only in words. But in how we act. We eliminate activity that doesn't promote family first. We say no to certain things because well, it is not as important as family.

I think our bigger struggle is to do WHATEVER it takes to make our family healthy. We just aren't willing to make the big sacrifices to make it work. We all want to have strong, vibrant families. But when our family unit is in trouble - what are we willing to do to make it work? Just how much sacrifice are we prepared for? How vulnerable will we allow ourselves to be? I think of my friend who is an alcoholic. She simply could not have made it to her 5th year of sobriety had she not allowed herself to be vulnerable - to God, to her husband and children and finally to the rest of her family and friends. and she could not have succeeded if she didn't take drastic steps. She had to admit the problem and take decisive action. No more drinking. No more being around it. She completely had to change her lifestyle. Her and her husband had to choose to change every aspect of their lives - right down to new friends. That's what it takes. A complete and utter shifting in priorities and lifestyle.

hmmmm........