I listen to CBC radio. A lot. One of my favorite shows is on at 10 a.m. "Q" with Gian Ghomeshi. Love it.

Today's show was my dream show. Almost perfection. It started with an interview with Yoko Ono. She talked about her "Bed-In" for peace with John Lennon and about her activism through her art. She is a visual artist - certainly outside the box - but I really enjoyed her perspective. Odd as it was.

Then it was followed up with an even better interview. Bruce Cockburn. Who also played live. It was amazing. Awe inspiring. I forgot how much I enjoy him and his music. He is articulate, thoughtful, edgy. His music settles and stirs me at the same time.

So last night was my first evening of volunteering at Teen Challenge Ladies Centre. It's pretty laid back for me because the girls at the house have a pretty tight schedule. I just have to be a presence.

I learned a few things last night.

One, I have a pretty darn good life. I was raised in a family who loved me unconditionally, who provided for me physically, who encouraged me. I now have a husband who loves me, children who are unbelievably wonderful, a sister who is my closest and dearest friend and I have really good friends that I can count on.

Two, I don't prioritize well. By that I mean I seem to spend more time doing the things that aren't that important and ignoring the things that are. I seem to get caught up in the doing - and forget the being.

Three, people's value can never be judged by other people. We just aren't capable. We look at people who are broken - the addicted, the mentally ill, the emotionally unstable - and we see them as no longer of value. What can they do for the betterment of society?? But we are so wrong. I met some girls last night who were so broken. They struggle with addiction and all that goes along with it. They have suffered abuse and in their addictions,they have been the abusers. But in their pain, in their addictions, in their sufferings, God saw more. God saw them as beautiful children that He created and that He loves. They are all beginning to understand what it is to be valued. They are experiencing a love like no other and that is helping them to beat their addictions.

These girls are healthy are whole and are learning. They are changing physically, emotionally and spiritually. They are becoming what they were created for.

And now we are beginning to see what God saw all along.

I realize it has been a while since that last post.

Truth is - we had a family vacation. Just to Vancouver - so it's not like we traveled far and saw things we've never seen before. But it was SO good to be away - just us. We stayed right downtown so we could walk pretty much everywhere we needed to go. And yes, we had rain gear. We spent a day at Granville Island and a day at the Vancouver Art gallery. Some time shopping, watching movies, checked out some of the more interesting architecture(like the public library). We relaxed and laughed and made memories. Just what a vacation should be.

One thing I noticed about the city is that it has an uncanny ability to make you feel discontent. Especially being downtown. My clothes/shoes/hairstyle weren't quite up to snuff. Neither were my home finishings or even our car. Truly Truly I really don't have any hang ups about any of that stuff. I love who I am and I love our home. It was just interesting to walk around and find myself wanting... just wanting...

So, back to my personal quest for fulfillment. Well, I have a possible job - a housecleaning job that will be a few flexible hours and some vacation money. And I am also about to start volunteering at the Teen Challenge Ladies Center in Abbotsford one evening a week. I am very very excited. It is a home made up of ten young ladies who have gone through detox and are at varying stages of their year long stay in the Teen Challenge Drug and Alcohol Recovery Program. I basically get to go and eat dinner,hang out, and tuck them into bed. I get to love these ladies, who for a host of reasons, are struggling with addiction but are working hard at getting their life back on track. What a gift.

Just like the day after graduation.... the world is your oyster, limitless options, the feeling you could do anything and that anything was possible. Just like that - except different. Back then, when I looked to the future it was endless. I couldn't wait to see what hid behind every corner and the adventures that were just waiting for me. These days I don't see the future quite so endless and I smile when I think back and recall those hidden surprises and adventures. I don't long for them quite like I used to.

Well, it isn't the day after graduation and I'm no longer that wide eyed, somewhat naive 17 year old with no money but lots of hope. Well, I guess I've still got no money and perhaps hope tempered with caution. But I am at a place where I'm looking toward the future. Again. Things have changed for me. My days are no longer spent schooling the girls. They are off in public school, making friends, building lives. Having fun. I love it. I love it for them.

But me. Hmm... well, I'm at a new place. I suppose you could say I have options - with a few limitations attached. I want to do something of value. I want to earn some money. I want to find fulfillment.

Am I asking to much?