Today is one of those days when I feel like a grown-up. Every once in a while a biggie occurs and you suddenly realize you aren't in Kansas anymore. Last year my husbands dad passed away. That was a biggie. Today, a woman in our Church, who I've interacted with quite a bit of late, has been told she has cancer in her brain. You've got to understand though, this woman has had cancer on and off for 18 years. She has that "cancer gene". She's fought breast cancer, cervical cancer, stomach cancer, a tumor on her liver - and now this. I met her last year during her battle with the stomach cancer. Two of her children, who were in grade 12, moved in with my sister while their mom was in the hospital. They became my niece and nephew. It's hard to imagine what their life has been like having a mom who's been sick more often than not. Their parents are no longer together - that being a good thing. Dad is an abusive, alcoholic. Not to much support there. She went to the hospital to have the tumor removed off her liver, and that's when, through some other symptoms, they discover the brain thing.

On one hand, you can't help but think of how blessed she's been to LIVE with cancer for the last 18 years. But on the other - jeez, it really sucks. SUCKS!

I've been reading a book by Anne Lamott. For any who have read her, you are well aware that this is no sweet conservative christian! I love reading her. I love that, as different as we are, we will celebrate at the same table in heaven. I love that for all her radical non-traditional thoughts, she loves Jesus and tries to live like she believes He'd like her to. I love her because she shakes me up and makes me think.

What have you read this week that makes you think?

I was just ordering books from our library. I ordered the new Harry Potter. It seems I was a little slow on this one - I'm number 728 out of 728. I think it'll be a while before I read it!

Why does God seem so silent sometimes? Why, when you really are seeking and desiring to hear from Him - He seems so very quiet. We are seeking a plan for the Fall. What do we do? Go back to school? Sell the house? Continue on Homeschooling?(Well, actually that one we know the answer to be a resounding YES!) What what what???? May we have the faith to trust that our Father will answer just as we need him to.

Selah.

I am doing the two posting/one day thing again! Ah well, some times you come across something to beautiful not to share. This came via my good friend LaVern. May it bless you too.

A Franciscan Blessing

(Author unknown)

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them, and to turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

What is your symphony?

To live content with small means,
to seek elegance, rather than luxury,
and refinement rather than fashion,
to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy not rich,
to study hard, think quietly, talk gently, act frankly,
to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart,
to bear all cheerfully,
do all bravely,
await occasions,
hurry never -
in a word, to let spiritual, unbidden and unconscious,
grow up through the common.
This is to be my symphony.

~William Ellery Channing (1780-1842)

We just returned home from Church and it was so great to go and sing and worship and learn and talk and laugh and and and! It is so interesting that so many different people from so many different stages and segments of life, can gather to worship the same God. And, for the most part, we are all blessed by the experience. I love meeting and talking with the Saints. I love to just be together, singing praises. This is truly the day the Lord has made - I will certainly rejoice and be glad in it!

Brokenness is realizing He is all we have.
Hope is realizing He is all we need.
Joy is realizing He is all we want.
~Larry Crabbe

Is that not a great quote? Definitely some wise words to ponder.

Make Poverty History!

I received an email recently from a friend regarding the Make Poverty History campaign. It's very exciting that people are really jumping into the ring with the idea that WE CAN make a difference. That it is within our possibility to eradicate 3rd world debt. ...and it all starts with us.

From the website of "makepovertyhistory.org" we read:

Every single day, 30,000 children are dying as a result of extreme poverty. This year, 2005, we finally have the resources, knowledge and opportunity to end this shameful situation.

Go to this website. See what YOU can do to end poverty. Watch the videos. Change the world.

Mezuzah! I've been reading lately (in Leonard Sweet's book "Soul Salsa") about this piece of Jewish culture. In fact I'm going to use it as a talk for a ladies bbq at our Church. I've entitled it "Mezuzah your Summer!" I love this idea. Every act in every day is sacred. It is a gift of grace. Mezuzah's were tiny parchments rolled up inside a tube made of metal, tin, stone etc. They were placed on the right side of the door frame of a home. It said to everyone who entered or exited "as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord". In postmodern times it could be understood on a much grander and larger scale. This is perspective for me - God is in ordinary things. He is offering me grace in ordinary things, and I only have to recognize it to be blessed and offer praise and blessing back to the one who created me.

Posting twice in one day. This blogging thing may be better than therapy! Ever feel upset, sad, angry, disappointed, disillusioned, disgusted - all at the same time? And worse, not have anyone to blame? I just came from a Church Meeting and we voted on some stuff. People that I care about very very much, were left unaffirmed - and that is a gentle way of putting it. I trust that God takes care of things and His will is done ultimately but this, well, was hard for me. I can't believe my Church family let me(& others) down ...sigh. I truly do believe people were not listening to the leading of the Holy Spirit on this one. People were just voting on likes and dislikes and personal biases.

Enough venting? I guess so. I am so thankful that our God is BIG and in control in moments like this. I'd be a crummy god.

We had a big wind/rain storm last night. Felt so good! We took our girls, along with our dog shopping and left all our windows open -oops. Made a mess of water and glass. But you know, just being with my whole family (dog & all) left me with a great feeling of contentment. That feeling that all is right in my world. What a gift from my Creator.

I came across this poem recently from a Bruderhof site. I see the truth in these words. At first I wondered if I was guilty of holding too tight to my family - that my happiness and contentment was all wrapped up in them. And to some degree, that may be true. However, I've come to a different conclusion. In seeing my family as a gift - and in turning all the love I have for them back as gratitude to Jesus - it somehow keeps a proper balance.

The Cause of Unhappiness

Anthony de Mello

If you look carefully you will see that there is one thing and only one thing that causes unhappiness. The name of that thing is attachment. What is an attachment? An emotional state of clingingcaused by the belief that without some particular thing or some person you cannot be happy.

Okay, so this blogging thing is pretty cool. If I was a little more computer friendly it might not have taken me almost an hour to figure out how to add another post!

I was with some friends last night (we get together every Monday eve for a potluck meal) and we got talking about missions. What is missions, why do we send missionaries - should we not be supporting nationals?, who should we send them to? The upperclass or the poor? Needless to say we all have strong opinions on the subject. At our Church we have a pretty good missions budget. Missions is important - at least we can agree on that. Everyone needs to share the truth and lifechanging news of Jesus - and I say that understanding that it looks different for everyone. I love that our Church is so into missions. However, we seem to be spending a great deal of money on sending people to reach foreign people groups. Missionaries must raise support for language school, then a huge monthly sum to pay for all kinds of things. Some good and some not so good. Things like healthcare and pensions - those are good, but overhead costs, the missions board back at home eats up a great deal of money.

Then we must send over teachers to teach the children of these missionaries. And then depending on the people group that they are working with, there may be more expense in how they live - if they are reaching out to the upper class - well, you must live at the same level. It is costly. It would seem that we as North Americans have got to get out of this mindset that says we have the ability to reach the world, so it is we who must go. In short, I would think it would be far wiser of us to find and support national missionaries. And I'm not talking about giving less, I'm talking giving more effectively. Well, I know that there are two sides to every argument.

I haven't even brought up the idea of working only with the poor and middle class since those people groups make up the majority of the worlds peoples or the thoughts of not being so denomination minded that we send more missionaries into a country with plenty there - just not from our particular denomination! .....but maybe that's for another time.

First day of the rest of my life...my blogging life anyway. Could be exciting - I guess we'll see. I'm looking forward to writing down my thoughts or random musings here in cyberspace. I've been confronted lately with so many new ideas and ways of thinking - it seems that it would be good to have a place to put them down to try to make sense of them. Words like "post-modernism", globilization (or anti-globalization), the "corporation"(shudder) - all these words represent ideas that are beginning to make me shift in my seat. My comfort level is at an all time low! Which, when all is said and done, is probably a good thing! Being a follower of Christ, and trying to live according to His teachings - and to practise a social, relevant gospel...this seems to be my challenge. Both my husband & I are trying to learn and absorb these ideas -and at the same time teach our girls. I guess this is life - the adventure of life. I'm so looking forward to what is to come.