I've spent the morning preparing for a couple of Bible Studies and I've been struck with the notion of grace. Specifically, the grace that is offered to us by the Almighty God. I use the word 'grace' so often that I think I've forgotten just what it means. Christians tend to over-use 'christiany" words, and I think that 'grace' has fallen into that trap.

In one of the studies, the author gave the example of Jean Valjean in Les Miserables. A perfect example. This character was imprisoned for 20 years for stealing a loaf of bread to feed his hungry family. Upon his release, he stays with a Bishop and ends up stealing this mans silver. Jean Valjean is caught, and protests his arrest saying that the silver was a gift. When he is brought before the Bishop, Jean is shocked to hear the bishop agree that yes, indeed it was a gift, but "you forgot to grab the candlesticks as well!" What grace!! The Bishop tells Jean as he leaves, that his life is no longer his own, he's been bought and now must live his life in thankfulness to God.(ok, that's my own very general paraphrase!)

Jean does. He lives in gratitude and thankfulness, every action tempered by the memory of the Bishop's love and act of grace.

How about us? How about me? I am a pathetic, sinful creature. Bought at a price - the highest price that can ever be paid. The death of an innocent Christ. Grace was offered to me in that moment - and I've accepted it. Sadly, it cannot be said that my every thought and action has been tempered by the memory of the grace offered to me by God. I've almost come to accept it as my right. As something deserved.

Today, I resolve to put some meaning back into the word 'grace'. To live my life, this day, as a rememberance of the gift given to me.

The times they are a changin' - or so the song goes. And as it happens I believe it to be true on a couple of different fronts.

First of course is our Federal Election which found us with a Conservative minority government. The Liberals are the official opposition and the NDP improved their lot by about 10 seats. I find that in particular very exciting. It's going to be interesting to see what, if anything, changes in Canada as a result of this regime change.

And, even more exciting for me is that our Church body pulled through and elected all the nominated candidates for their respective positions. I'm so pleased that people responded positively to change and in my opinion, the Holy Spirit moved and led people as they voted.

It makes me realize that what God wants accomplished WILL be done. In spite of the humans whom He chooses to work through.

Amen.

We have Church vote coming up. Should be very interesting. We've got a woman (up for a Deacon position) and a guy coming up for Elder, who's considered by a few to be a radical. I suppose he got the reputation for bringing a fresh approach to worship. It'll be the first time we've had a woman in the leadership position. I'm very excited at the potential change - but nervous to see the actual outcome. I pray that the Church is as forward thinking as I believe they are. As I'm on the nomination team, I obviously think these 2, as well as the other people we chose, are God's people for the job. I hope that people pray and consider God's leading in all this and not just vote according to personal bias.

I like change. I'd like change to move a little faster in our Church. It seems to move at a snail's pace most of the time. There are so many issues that drive me crazy: women in leadership (looking forward to having one!), baptism & membership (sprinkling or dunking?? - who cares!) worship style (as in musical preferences- ok I like it loud - I get that particular bias).

I suppose slow change is good - it allows people to catch on to what is happening and the opportunity to think it over, observe it in action and not feel steamrolled by the whole thing. It gives people the chance to jump on board without being told "this is the way we're doing it now so suck it up!".

So, I'll pray. I'll pray that our Church is open to new things - good things I think. I'll pray that I'll be patient and wait on the Lord to stir up people's hearts. He seems to be good at that.

Okay. I'm listening.

A few monthes back I had my first wake-up call regarding my health. I have made a few changes - but it didn't take long before I was feeling good and I fell into those unhealthy habits again. Actually as I think back - I'm shocked at how complacent I have become. I remember lying in the hospital bed, hooked up to a few monitors: heart, blood pressure, oxygen level etc etc and thinking - I will take steps to NEVER let this happen again. Now granted, it wasn't related to lifestyle. My heart problem is a genetic thing I was probably born with but still - I can help myself A LOT by losing weight and becoming more active.

Now Reid has been diagnosed with high blood pressure - high as in through the roof - blood pressure. Frightening! Now, his too is genetic. He is on the whole quite healthy. He will be on medication for the rest of his life. Not something he's very excited about. But a lifestyle change will benefit him as well. We will take steps to make sure he has a low fat, caffeine free diet. We'll make sure he exercises regularly. This could very well be a life/death thing.

So, again. A good wake-up call. I'm trying to listen better this time.

It also gets me thinking about my spiritual life. I have those moments of clarity where I am in tune with the Lord and am spending time reading, listening, praying. I make declarations of never going back to mediocre - of never settling into routine. And then I forget. I get busy. I lose intensity, desire, drive. It happens with my physical well being and it happens with my spiritual well being. What a pathetic creature....

But what a God I serve - who loves me (that's grace!) in spite of my wishy-washy ways (that's alliteration!) A God who is more than willing to continue teaching me, guiding me and even using me for His Kingdom- all in spite of myself.

Selah.

Canadians will head off to the polls soon. Good thing? Bad thing? Not sure. I only know that I am torn as I've never been torn before. I have never really been so completely unsure how to vote in my life. It may be easier to define what I'm not rather than what I am. I'm not liberal, I'm not conservative, I'm not marxist-leninist, not marijuana, not really ndp .....

Well, maybe socially I lean ndp. Morally I probably don't agree with the ndp but I like their socially responsible agenda. On the other hand, I have enough savy to realize that it would be a fiscal disaster if the ndp were the reigning party (not that I actually believe that could ever happen). I may be in line on some things with the conservatives. and I actually have respect for and like the candidate in our riding. But I have a strong negative reaction to Stephen Harper. I've decided just in the typing of these thoughts that I can write the liberals off completely. I'll never vote for them. Guess that helps me weed out the field a little!

I also have been thinking that I am ok with not agreeing with the government on moral issues. I would NEVER want morality to be something that is legislated. I dislike intensely the crossover between church and state that I've observed in the States.

So does that mean I'm voting NDP? hmmmm maybe. maybe not. I'm still torn.

Okay, so it's been a while... I suppose the lack of posting can be put down to the busy holiday season but just as likely was the fact that I just didn't have much to say. My brother and his family were here for a week. It was good to be ALL together again as a family. It is so good to see my mom so happy. She loves when all her kids and the grandkids are gathered in one place. Can't blame her - it was pretty great.

We celebrated New Years much the same as last year. Good friends together, laughing, playing games, talking. It's a nice way to both end and begin a new year. I don't usually make resolutions. But I've been thinking lots about what a new year means. Clean slate. Endless possibilities. Kinda exciting!

I have been re-assessing my 2005 year. Did I walk "humbly with my God"? Did I grow as a person, wife, mom? Are my kids wiser, stronger, happier? Have I listened?

As I reflect on the questions, I can't really say absolutely YES. But you know, I can't say I failed at every level either. My relationships have deepened. Relationships with Reid, with Caris & Phoebe, with friends, and with my Lord. I have drawn closer to my Creator. He has taught me much this year. I think I've begun a journey of asking the right questions. And inevitably those questions will lead me to a place that is better than where I am now.

My clean slate assures me that I've been forgiven, that the Holy Spirit desires to use me still, that I can start fresh with a clear conscience.

May I listen - really listen in 2006. To my Father's quiet whisper, as well as the louder voices that call each day.